Oliver Baker

Gotta eat somebody

Oh, you may not eat chicken, you may not drink milk
You may not wear cotton, you may not wear silk
You may not eat lobster, you may not eat quiche
You may not eat anythin' that ain't from a specific ecological niche

But you're gonna have to eat somebody
Yes you are
You're gonna have to eat somebody

Oh it may be a waffle, it may be a fig,
It may be a matzo, it may be a pig
Maybe it's a jelly roll, or maybe it's a toad
Maybe it's a stirfry, or maybe ala mode

But you're gonna eat somebody
Yes you are
You're gonna have to eat somebody
Oh it may be a bagel, or it may be a gazelle
But you're gonna have to eat somebody

May've been just a parsnip, or maybe to someone it was "Fred"
May be it's some Middle Eastern thing...you're not sure what the waiter said,
May've had big green leaves and maybe arching boughs
Maybe had cute whiskers and a little button nose

But you're gonna eat somebody
Yes you are
You're gonna eat somebody
Oh it may be a whole grain or it may be F.D.& C. #12
But you're gonna have to eat somebody

Oh you may like to saute' or you may like to poach
May be from the Cordon Bleau, somebody's fancy cooking coach
Maybe you have karma, maybe a nutritional degree
Maybe think it's kosher, maybe think it's "PC"

But you're gonna eat somebody
Yes you are
You're gonna have to eat somebody
Oh it may be from Subway, or maybe you just found it in the road
But you're gonna have to eat somebody

Oh it may be a peanut, or it may be a snail
It may be a cantaloupe or it may be a whale
May be some kinda' lichen, maybe you don't know
May be protected by the EPA and hunted by Jacques Cousteau

But you're gonna eat somebody
Yes you are
You're gonna have to eat somebody
Oh it may be lentil, or it may be a squirrel
But you're gonna have to eat somebody

Yes, it may be lentil, or it may be a squirrel
But you're gonna have to eat somebody


Copyright © 1989 Oliver Baker
Creative Commons License

What a friend we have in Cheeses

What a friend we have in Cheeses,
Edam, Cheddar and Gruyere!
What a privilege to eat some
Gorgonzola with our pear!
Oh, what satiety we forfeit,
Oh, what meagerness we bear,
All because we cannot eat some
Gorgonzola with our pear!

Have we pledged to wait for dinner?
Would a promise we forswear?
We should never be discouraged-
Gorgonzola goes with pear.
Can we find a friend so faithful?
Which will pangs of conscience spare?
Cheese is not a sign of weakness;
Gorgonzola goes with pear.

Are we weak and heavy-laden
Facing leftovers to spare?
Precious cheese plate still our refuge
Take Gorgonzola with your pear.
Have thy guests all turned to face thee?
Have Gorgonzola with a pear!
In its curds cheese takes and shields thee
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Stilton, Thou art ripening,
Thou art ready Camembert
May our board be ever bearing
Gorgonzola for our pear
Soon in dreamy night, unclouded
There will be no need for pear--
Sav'ry and never ending
Will be our cheese portion there.

Copyright © 2008 Oliver Baker
Creative Commons License

Gotta eat somebody inspired by Bob Dylan's Gotta serve somebody Copyright © 1979 Special Rider Music. What a friend we have in Cheeses lyrics based on Joseph Scriven's What a Friend we have in Jesus.